RiaR March/April: Shattered Dream NOW OPEN

The Bolthole's monthly 1,000 word story competition.

Re: RiaR March/April: Shattered Dream NOW OPEN

Postby Stuart000X » Tue Mar 29, 2011 3:58 pm

J D Dunsany wrote:Hello there, good people!

This is just a quick note to remind people that there's only about 28 hours left till the end of the competition. Get your stories in soon, if you're planning on entering.

All the best!

JDD


Is it that time again? A very fast paced competition i must say.
User avatar
Stuart000X
 
Posts: 353
Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2011 4:28 pm
Location: Newcastle, UK


Re: RiaR March/April: Shattered Dream NOW OPEN

Postby Stuart000X » Tue Mar 29, 2011 4:14 pm

Story Index


Page 1


Shattered Dream – Squiggle

I’m Already There – Stuart000X

Under the Spreading Pluquat Tree (Sweat Fruit and Bitter Memories) - Mossy Toes

Shattered Dreams – ninja101



Page 2


The Standard of Mourning – Commander Shadow

Fickle Fates – Razhbad

Business As Usual – J D Dunsany

The Black Knight – Atlantic

Terriloquus – LordLucan



Page 3


Final Hour (Ignore)– Bane Of Kings

Red Revolutions – cjphillips

Waking – Ballistichimp

Final Hours (Suggested version) The – Bane Of Kings

Small Victories – Raziel4707



Page 4


I HAD A DREAM or How I Learned to Stop Whining and Got a Grip – Big Barny Ross

Not This Way – Tyrant



Page 5


The Flask – Jelboy

The Sound of Wings – Eremite

###

Currently, there are 17 entries (Bane Of Kings posted his twice oddly, meaning there are technically 18 entries) in this competition so far. It’s safe to say that the numbers have been halved since the last competition, allowing for readers to digest the total of at least 17 thousand words to read, compared to the 30 plus thousand words last time.
Last edited by Stuart000X on Tue Mar 29, 2011 6:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
User avatar
Stuart000X
 
Posts: 353
Joined: Thu Mar 10, 2011 4:28 pm
Location: Newcastle, UK


Re: RiaR March/April: Shattered Dream NOW OPEN

Postby Tyrant » Tue Mar 29, 2011 4:19 pm

The second is Bane's edited and revised entry, which will obviously be the one one considered for voting.
My Facebook writing page. Like it, it's awesome!

My Twitter page.

Cytheria

Valerion

I think Valerion could stand toe-to-toe with the best of Gaunt's Ghosts. I loved it. Gundi Da Grot

The sense of threat that permeates the entire piece is fantastic. xrayex

Tash'shi is made of win and awesome. Raziel4707
User avatar
Tyrant
 
Posts: 835
Joined: Thu Mar 03, 2011 12:55 pm


Re: RiaR March/April: Shattered Dream NOW OPEN

Postby ninja101 » Tue Mar 29, 2011 10:14 pm

OK, so after looking back and feeling a little dissatisfied with my first entry, I came up with this:

Dreams


The young man turned to the older man and said, “Holy father, tell me of your pilgrimage to Holy Terra.”

The older man looked away, then turned back to the younger man and sighed. He wore the robes of a friar, and they were torn and faded with age. The two men were standing in his office. High in the upper reaches of the hive, the room was richly furnished, an oak desk and thickly-upholstered chair faced away from the floor-to-ceiling clear window looking over a round room whose walls were covered in books. The old man's pate was bald and the grey eyes looking out from under his heavy grey brows were faded with age and sad and faraway looking. “That was a long time ago”, he said finally. “Do you really wish to hear the ramblings of an old man?”

“Of course, father”, the young man said, looking eagerly up at the older one, “The pilgrimage is one I hope to undertake one day. To visit holy Terra would be the greatest joy I could hope for.”

The old man sat heavily in the high-backed chair and began his tale, “When I began my pilgrimage I was a young man. To visit the most holy sites in the Imperium was the goal I set myself in life. I sought to understand the truth of the nature of the Great Creed. I thought that by visiting these sights I could get closer to this truth, become more like unto the god I sought to understand”.

The boy nodded his head, “Where did you travel, father? What sights did you see?”

The older man smiled. He told the boy of his travels before he reached Terra. He spoke of gleaming spires raised in ashen wastes, of defiant and unspoiled structures dedicated to the saints of the Imperium, which rose pristine and unsoiled from out of the canopies of the densest jungles. As he told these tales, the boy listened, his face upturned as he sat upon the floor at the knee of the aged sage. When the old man had finished the first part of his tale, and told the boy of how he had secured passage to Luna, the old man stopped.

“Would you bring an old man a drink?” he asked.

The boy blinked. He realised suddenly that much time had passed. The sun had sunk below the horizon, and through the haze of the dust of that world the light had begun to filter a deep red into the room, passing unobstructed and uncoloured through the plain glass of the viewing window. He boy rose, with an effort, for his knees had become stiff as he knelt there. “Of course, father”, he said. “Valerian root tea to help you sleep the sacred sleep of contemplation tonight?”

“That would be fine, dear boy”, he old man said, rising slowly from his padded chair and moving to the window.

~

When the boy returned, carrying the tea on a fine metal tray, the old man was still standing at the window, gazing out at the surface of the world. The boy set the tea tray on the table, then poured the steaming liquid into a thin china cup, blessed it, then stood stood patiently by the elbow of the older man until the Friar turned and thanked him, taking the cup from him.

“We were held at Luna for a month”, the old man said, slowly. “Our vessel, despite belonging to a holy order, was evacuated, and every hand interrogated, first by an inquisitorial envoy of some kind, a man whose questions I could feel in the back of my mind, and then by a strange young woman whose eyes were as expressionless as those of a dead thing”. Here he looked at the boy, “But you do not wish to hear of the border controls, do you?”

The boy looked up at the Friar, “Father”, he said. “You have seen true.”

The old man continued. “I first set foot on Holy Terra a decade after I began my pilgrimage. I wondered the streets of holy Terra, my mind a whirl. The streets were packed with other seekers such as myself, all gazing up with wonder at the sights around them. I saw even cardinals and inquisitors, their absolute authority here diminished by sheer comparison. I found myself on a transit system heading toward the holy palace. Custodes stood on every platform and in every carriage, still as statues.”

Here the boy gasped,“And were they clad in gold?”

The old man nodded, “When I got off the transit system I looked up and I beheld the walls of the Imperial Palace. I thought my heart should break for the beauty of it. The walls alone dwarfed any building I had ever seen, yet, through a break in the the yellow clouds, higher still, I glimpsed a spire which seemed to reach up into the heavens. Is that enough, child?”

The boy jumped, “I am sorry father, is that all you saw? Did you not enter into the holy grounds? I beg of you, continue.”

Shifting in his chair, the old man began again, “I next saw the line to enter that holy place, and it stretched away out of my sight. I walked away from the tower to find its end. I walked for miles, for hours and still there was no end in sight. Custodes stood watching. One man broke ranks, screaming that he had been in line for years. Before any could react, the Custodian kicked the man to the ground, placed a foot upon his chest, executed him, and returned to his position. A servitor came and dragged the body away. To where I have no idea.”

The boy stared, “The man was surely a heretic? Or mad?”

The old man shook his head, “I wondered the streets in a daze then, and saw blinded groups of astropaths being herded onto trains to be taken to feed the astronomicon. I ran then. I ran back to my ship and took the next transport back to Luna”.

The boy was standing, “You did not lose your faith, father?”

“No, child”, the friar said. “But I lost the urge to find the truth. To unlock the dream we share.”

After the old man had gone, the boy went to the window and looked out. The surface of the planet was an ashen waste. The oceans were long gone, the forests burned. All the boy could see were the distant, shimmering shapes of the other hives of the world, spewing their ashen waste into the ruined atmosphere. “Oh father”, the boy said, unsure quite who he addressed, “was this what you dreamed?”

1150 words
User avatar
ninja101
 
Posts: 14
Joined: Sun Mar 13, 2011 11:06 pm


Re: RiaR March/April: Shattered Dream NOW OPEN

Postby Mossy Toes » Tue Mar 29, 2011 11:42 pm

I object! My story name isn't Under the Spreading Pluquat Tree (Sweat Fruit and Bitter Memories). Sure, there's sweat involved, but not on the part of the fruit! ;)
What sphinx of plascrete and adamantium bashed open their skulls and ate up their brains and imagination? Imperator!
User avatar
Mossy Toes
 
Posts: 2284
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 12:30 am


Re: RiaR March/April: Shattered Dream NOW OPEN

Postby Tyrant » Wed Mar 30, 2011 8:07 am

Mossy Toes-

In fairness if I had had sweat fruit my memories of it would certainly be bitter.
My Facebook writing page. Like it, it's awesome!

My Twitter page.

Cytheria

Valerion

I think Valerion could stand toe-to-toe with the best of Gaunt's Ghosts. I loved it. Gundi Da Grot

The sense of threat that permeates the entire piece is fantastic. xrayex

Tash'shi is made of win and awesome. Raziel4707
User avatar
Tyrant
 
Posts: 835
Joined: Thu Mar 03, 2011 12:55 pm


Re: RiaR March/April: Shattered Dream NOW OPEN

Postby Tyrant » Wed Mar 30, 2011 8:27 am

ninja101 (Dreams): The constant use of older man/younger man is a bit annoying and repetitive, it might be worth finding different ways to describe them. Very much enjoyed your depiction of Terra though.
My Facebook writing page. Like it, it's awesome!

My Twitter page.

Cytheria

Valerion

I think Valerion could stand toe-to-toe with the best of Gaunt's Ghosts. I loved it. Gundi Da Grot

The sense of threat that permeates the entire piece is fantastic. xrayex

Tash'shi is made of win and awesome. Raziel4707
User avatar
Tyrant
 
Posts: 835
Joined: Thu Mar 03, 2011 12:55 pm


Re: RiaR March/April: Shattered Dream NOW OPEN

Postby J D Dunsany » Wed Mar 30, 2011 8:04 pm

THIS THREAD IS NOW CLOSED TO STORY SUBMISSIONS.

As ninja101 has put forward two stories, there'll be a short window of opportunity for him to decide which one to put forward for voting. ninja, if you can let me know your decision via PM by 2100GMT on Sunday 3rd April, I'd appreciate it.

Voting will commence shortly afterwards.


All the best!

JDD
JDD story of the moment: Glory
User avatar
J D Dunsany
 
Posts: 1484
Joined: Thu Mar 03, 2011 10:00 pm
Location: Southport, UK


Re: RiaR March/April: Shattered Dream NOW OPEN

Postby Razhbad » Thu Mar 31, 2011 8:23 am

Shame that my holiday stopped me having the time to alter my story, never mind i'll get reading everything asap
User avatar
Razhbad
 
Posts: 323
Joined: Fri Mar 04, 2011 9:28 am
Location: Maelstrom

Previous

Return to Board index

Return to Read in a Rush

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest