Fatemakers' Odyssey (50K) (part 72, final update done)

Hello everybody!
I have been a not-so long time lurker here at the Black Library Bolthole, but I was fascinated by the idea of moving the 40K timeline forward and introducing new elements into the setting. I always felt that the 'grimdark' nature can be maintained or even raised to new levels, and the (50K) and (60K) projects reflect my opinion quite well. To contribute to the story, I started to write a fanfiction of my own with the above title, and I feel I now have enough material to start presenting it.
I don't have a lot of experience in writing longer stories, and it surprised me how much I had to work to flesh out the people starring in Fatemakers' Odyssey. I have about 30 pages ready and saved on my computer, and the story has just started to gain momentum. For this reason, you won't be able to realize that the story is a proper 50K one: for the first chapter, it could very well take place in the official M41 setting (except for the introductory line, which will probably give you an idea of what my heroes will face later on
). Please bear with me: it WILL be a 50K story, although not for the first few weeks.
I don't plan to make any career out of writing (in fact, I may get all similar urges out of my system by the end of the story), but I would be grateful for any comment or criticism.
So enjoy the story of the mighty Fatemakers - and let's hope there is no parallel universe where they actually exist and the things I have in store for my characters really come into being
.
Fatemakers' Odyssey
Chapter One
New Novgarrod System, Subsector Echydra, Sector Malachias.
21 days until the Emperor’s death.
The Land Raider went right through the barricades of the first defence line. One of the soldiers fell under the tracks with a shrill, the others scattered instantly: they ran away from the machines in a state of panic, being cut down as they fled by the pintle-mounted bolter on the vehicle’s top. The Land Raider, like the creature operating the bolter, was armoured in rock-crete grey armour over black joints and crevices. Three similar vehicles were following the first one: two armed with deadly lascannons, one with two sets of massive bolter racks towered on its sides. None of these weapons fired; not yet. Apparently, the drivers thought that the tracks of the vehicles and the bolters on the top were more than enough for the rabble on the barricades.
They were right too. The four Land Raiders did not even bother to properly destroy the defenders. They merely swatted them away like a man in a hurry pushes away a child. No slowing down, no proper engagement; just four fast-moving slabs of metal contemptuously passing through a barrier painstakingly erected exactly against these kinds of intrusions. The corporal who was responsible for the defence of this incoming road somehow survived the rush: he climbed on all fours just to avoid certain death, hurled himself behind some pile of rubble, and by the time he dared to look out, the Land Raiders were already gone. His dazed and confused men looked as the dust-trail from the attacking vehicles slowly dissipated. The corporal stood up, shook his head wildly and then grabbed one of the soldiers by the neck.
‘Call command!’ he shouted. He pushed the man away and turned back to where the land Raiders had gone. He felt clueless and humiliated. His job was to stop similar vehicles, or, at the very least, slow them down and report them to his superiors. The way these arrogant bastards treated them-
He was interrupted by his vox operator. Still fuming, he snatched the speaker from the poor man’s hand, and started to make his report. He was pretty sure Council of the Righteous would have his hide for such an injustice, unless he could make his failure an extremely heroic one. His only consolation was that the enemy would not stay alive long enough to further his humiliation.
Ever since the Council of the Righteous selflessly wrested control from the corrupt hand of the fallen Imperium and took custody of the sacred city of Belandon, the capital of New Novgarrod III, the faithful had to endure attacks upon attacks from the False Emperor’s lapdogs. Belandon was a manufacturing complex, which meant the enemy could not erase it from orbit or pound it into the dust with artillery; especially because they did not possess the means at all. Belandon was the planetary capital, with over 80% of the industry and more than half of the military concentrated there. The capital lacked the manpower to occupy the rest of the planet, while the unfaithful did not have the weapons to crack the city open. The Council used the long months of deadlock to fortify the city – as much as they could in a huge settlement which was originally not surrounded by walls. The real defence line was not this outpost in the very outskirts of Belandon. The armour division was waiting a kilometre behind them, ready to move in and fortify any position which was attacked. This was a tactic that enabled the somewhat undermanned faithful to repel a number of attacks on the capital, which made this particular incident all the more humiliating. The corporal could only pray to the true powers of the Warp that the attackers be stopped within the first buffer zone.
After all, there were only four of them, weren’t there?
The driver of the leading Land Raider was called Miklas, and he was an almost normal human being. He was a warrior-serf attached directly to Fatemaker squad 4.3 (currently known as squad Andorias), and had been one for seventeen years. He served the squad when it was called Hesphor, Bhoor-Tulkas and even had the honour to know it as squad Tuone, led by an almost mystical figure who had started his service in one of the Original Chapters. Miklas was somewhat augmented: his eyes, his right hand and even a small part of his brain were replaced by Adeptus Mechanicus technology to make him faster and more accurate. This was not a reward or compensation for some serious injury, merely a necessary procedure to make him equal to the other occupants of the vehicle at least in his own narrow field of expertise.
‘T minus sixty seconds to engagement,’ he told to the giant behind him. The other – a sergeant to those who were familiar with Astartes markings – grunted.
‘Disembarking in ten seconds.’
Miklas did not need any more instructions. Although a mere mortal, he was part of the tactical briefings with the rest of the human serf-crew. The Fatemakers, in their great wisdom, did not tie up full-fledged battle-brothers in the driver seats of their vehicles: instead, they used the contingent of mortal assistants bound by feudal oaths to their chapter to fulfil all the roles which were not directly related to power armour warfare. The drivers, and Thunderhawk pilots (the chapter did not possess speeders and the few bikes they had were attached to Strike Force Six, not Four) were all mortals to the last man, yet they had their masters’ full trust. Miklas’s experience in his own field was so great that sometimes even veteran Space Marines listened to his voice, and the countless campaigns he fought with them taught him all the battle-awareness and tactical knowledge to play his role properly.
The four Land Raiders screeched to a halt on the side of an empty street just before it bisected a much larger road. Intelligence report claimed the road lay within the primary action radius of the enemy armour, which means the attacking Astartes would not have a chance to break through there even if they could catch the defenders by surprise. Barely did the Land Raiders stop than the front hatches opened and disgorged four squads of rock-crete grey armoured Space Marines. Miklas only had to wait 3 seconds to receive the ‘Go!’-orders from the sergeant, which applied to the drivers as much as it did to the superhuman Astartes. The Land Raiders accelerated and dashed into the intersection to meet the enemy head on.
Miklas grinned as he wasted a fraction of a second to check the status of the Astartes squads and he found none of them on his display. His masters did their job as flawlessly as they always had. His personal oath to the squad, this engagement and the Chapter in general left him no choice but to follow their examples.
The enemy was approaching fast. At least five tanks arrived in the first wave, followed by a pair of light APCs with auxiliary soldiers. The first flaw in the enemy’s plan became painfully obvious at once: in order to remain mobile, they had to abandon the textbook tactics of steady approach with full and continuous infantry cover.
The first Land Raider’s lascannons whined once, and the leading tank’s turret split open with a loud BAANG. The vehicle swerved, and then stopped altogether. Miklas knew right away that it was as good as dead, so he turned his attention to the second enemy in line that fired its main gun as it moved forward and hit Miklas’s vehicle in the middle of the now closed ramp. The round flattened harmlessly against the surface of the ramp, which was no surprise seeing as how it was designed to withstand continuous artillery barrages if the situation so required. The second flaw of the enemy tactics revealed itself: you cannot outclass Space Marine equipment.
The first APC exploded and threw its passengers into the air as the hurricane bolters of the specialist Land Raider tore into it. The road was now partially blocked by the debris, which meant the enemy would probably start using their brain and redirect some of the tanks into a parallel street to go round and encircle the four Astartes vehicles. They certainly had the numbers for it: the remaining vehicles of the forward group stopped and started shelling, the soldiers jumped off the other APC and started to set up their heavy weapons, while the rest of the attack group slowed down and apparently started to turn at the first available crossroads. Outclassed or not, the Land Raiders would die once surrounded, unless…
The first rocket hit the APC on the side, and the explosion tore apart the infantry who were trying to use it as a cover. The leading tank of the encircling column received a similar blast aimed right at its tracks, which caused it to become completely immobilized. The column was suddenly attacked from two of the intersecting streets as well: a couple of Space Marines appeared at the extreme back where the tanks tried to go off the road and encircle the Land Raiders, while other figures started to rake the last few vehicles of the frontal group with bolter and plasma fire. Miklas ordered his four Land Raiders forward to finish the job: bottle the tanks in so they lost manoeuvrability and become easy prey for the melta bombs of the Astartes infantry. The Space Marines were more than capable of killing enemy armour on their own too, provided they get some time and a suitable distraction to set up the trap. This time, the distraction was provided by Astartes tanks driven by human warrior-serfs.
Third mistake, perhaps the biggest: in a Space Marine army, it is always the Space Marines who do the big killing.
I have been a not-so long time lurker here at the Black Library Bolthole, but I was fascinated by the idea of moving the 40K timeline forward and introducing new elements into the setting. I always felt that the 'grimdark' nature can be maintained or even raised to new levels, and the (50K) and (60K) projects reflect my opinion quite well. To contribute to the story, I started to write a fanfiction of my own with the above title, and I feel I now have enough material to start presenting it.
I don't have a lot of experience in writing longer stories, and it surprised me how much I had to work to flesh out the people starring in Fatemakers' Odyssey. I have about 30 pages ready and saved on my computer, and the story has just started to gain momentum. For this reason, you won't be able to realize that the story is a proper 50K one: for the first chapter, it could very well take place in the official M41 setting (except for the introductory line, which will probably give you an idea of what my heroes will face later on

I don't plan to make any career out of writing (in fact, I may get all similar urges out of my system by the end of the story), but I would be grateful for any comment or criticism.
So enjoy the story of the mighty Fatemakers - and let's hope there is no parallel universe where they actually exist and the things I have in store for my characters really come into being

Fatemakers' Odyssey
Chapter One
New Novgarrod System, Subsector Echydra, Sector Malachias.
21 days until the Emperor’s death.
The Land Raider went right through the barricades of the first defence line. One of the soldiers fell under the tracks with a shrill, the others scattered instantly: they ran away from the machines in a state of panic, being cut down as they fled by the pintle-mounted bolter on the vehicle’s top. The Land Raider, like the creature operating the bolter, was armoured in rock-crete grey armour over black joints and crevices. Three similar vehicles were following the first one: two armed with deadly lascannons, one with two sets of massive bolter racks towered on its sides. None of these weapons fired; not yet. Apparently, the drivers thought that the tracks of the vehicles and the bolters on the top were more than enough for the rabble on the barricades.
They were right too. The four Land Raiders did not even bother to properly destroy the defenders. They merely swatted them away like a man in a hurry pushes away a child. No slowing down, no proper engagement; just four fast-moving slabs of metal contemptuously passing through a barrier painstakingly erected exactly against these kinds of intrusions. The corporal who was responsible for the defence of this incoming road somehow survived the rush: he climbed on all fours just to avoid certain death, hurled himself behind some pile of rubble, and by the time he dared to look out, the Land Raiders were already gone. His dazed and confused men looked as the dust-trail from the attacking vehicles slowly dissipated. The corporal stood up, shook his head wildly and then grabbed one of the soldiers by the neck.
‘Call command!’ he shouted. He pushed the man away and turned back to where the land Raiders had gone. He felt clueless and humiliated. His job was to stop similar vehicles, or, at the very least, slow them down and report them to his superiors. The way these arrogant bastards treated them-
He was interrupted by his vox operator. Still fuming, he snatched the speaker from the poor man’s hand, and started to make his report. He was pretty sure Council of the Righteous would have his hide for such an injustice, unless he could make his failure an extremely heroic one. His only consolation was that the enemy would not stay alive long enough to further his humiliation.
Ever since the Council of the Righteous selflessly wrested control from the corrupt hand of the fallen Imperium and took custody of the sacred city of Belandon, the capital of New Novgarrod III, the faithful had to endure attacks upon attacks from the False Emperor’s lapdogs. Belandon was a manufacturing complex, which meant the enemy could not erase it from orbit or pound it into the dust with artillery; especially because they did not possess the means at all. Belandon was the planetary capital, with over 80% of the industry and more than half of the military concentrated there. The capital lacked the manpower to occupy the rest of the planet, while the unfaithful did not have the weapons to crack the city open. The Council used the long months of deadlock to fortify the city – as much as they could in a huge settlement which was originally not surrounded by walls. The real defence line was not this outpost in the very outskirts of Belandon. The armour division was waiting a kilometre behind them, ready to move in and fortify any position which was attacked. This was a tactic that enabled the somewhat undermanned faithful to repel a number of attacks on the capital, which made this particular incident all the more humiliating. The corporal could only pray to the true powers of the Warp that the attackers be stopped within the first buffer zone.
After all, there were only four of them, weren’t there?
The driver of the leading Land Raider was called Miklas, and he was an almost normal human being. He was a warrior-serf attached directly to Fatemaker squad 4.3 (currently known as squad Andorias), and had been one for seventeen years. He served the squad when it was called Hesphor, Bhoor-Tulkas and even had the honour to know it as squad Tuone, led by an almost mystical figure who had started his service in one of the Original Chapters. Miklas was somewhat augmented: his eyes, his right hand and even a small part of his brain were replaced by Adeptus Mechanicus technology to make him faster and more accurate. This was not a reward or compensation for some serious injury, merely a necessary procedure to make him equal to the other occupants of the vehicle at least in his own narrow field of expertise.
‘T minus sixty seconds to engagement,’ he told to the giant behind him. The other – a sergeant to those who were familiar with Astartes markings – grunted.
‘Disembarking in ten seconds.’
Miklas did not need any more instructions. Although a mere mortal, he was part of the tactical briefings with the rest of the human serf-crew. The Fatemakers, in their great wisdom, did not tie up full-fledged battle-brothers in the driver seats of their vehicles: instead, they used the contingent of mortal assistants bound by feudal oaths to their chapter to fulfil all the roles which were not directly related to power armour warfare. The drivers, and Thunderhawk pilots (the chapter did not possess speeders and the few bikes they had were attached to Strike Force Six, not Four) were all mortals to the last man, yet they had their masters’ full trust. Miklas’s experience in his own field was so great that sometimes even veteran Space Marines listened to his voice, and the countless campaigns he fought with them taught him all the battle-awareness and tactical knowledge to play his role properly.
The four Land Raiders screeched to a halt on the side of an empty street just before it bisected a much larger road. Intelligence report claimed the road lay within the primary action radius of the enemy armour, which means the attacking Astartes would not have a chance to break through there even if they could catch the defenders by surprise. Barely did the Land Raiders stop than the front hatches opened and disgorged four squads of rock-crete grey armoured Space Marines. Miklas only had to wait 3 seconds to receive the ‘Go!’-orders from the sergeant, which applied to the drivers as much as it did to the superhuman Astartes. The Land Raiders accelerated and dashed into the intersection to meet the enemy head on.
Miklas grinned as he wasted a fraction of a second to check the status of the Astartes squads and he found none of them on his display. His masters did their job as flawlessly as they always had. His personal oath to the squad, this engagement and the Chapter in general left him no choice but to follow their examples.
The enemy was approaching fast. At least five tanks arrived in the first wave, followed by a pair of light APCs with auxiliary soldiers. The first flaw in the enemy’s plan became painfully obvious at once: in order to remain mobile, they had to abandon the textbook tactics of steady approach with full and continuous infantry cover.
The first Land Raider’s lascannons whined once, and the leading tank’s turret split open with a loud BAANG. The vehicle swerved, and then stopped altogether. Miklas knew right away that it was as good as dead, so he turned his attention to the second enemy in line that fired its main gun as it moved forward and hit Miklas’s vehicle in the middle of the now closed ramp. The round flattened harmlessly against the surface of the ramp, which was no surprise seeing as how it was designed to withstand continuous artillery barrages if the situation so required. The second flaw of the enemy tactics revealed itself: you cannot outclass Space Marine equipment.
The first APC exploded and threw its passengers into the air as the hurricane bolters of the specialist Land Raider tore into it. The road was now partially blocked by the debris, which meant the enemy would probably start using their brain and redirect some of the tanks into a parallel street to go round and encircle the four Astartes vehicles. They certainly had the numbers for it: the remaining vehicles of the forward group stopped and started shelling, the soldiers jumped off the other APC and started to set up their heavy weapons, while the rest of the attack group slowed down and apparently started to turn at the first available crossroads. Outclassed or not, the Land Raiders would die once surrounded, unless…
The first rocket hit the APC on the side, and the explosion tore apart the infantry who were trying to use it as a cover. The leading tank of the encircling column received a similar blast aimed right at its tracks, which caused it to become completely immobilized. The column was suddenly attacked from two of the intersecting streets as well: a couple of Space Marines appeared at the extreme back where the tanks tried to go off the road and encircle the Land Raiders, while other figures started to rake the last few vehicles of the frontal group with bolter and plasma fire. Miklas ordered his four Land Raiders forward to finish the job: bottle the tanks in so they lost manoeuvrability and become easy prey for the melta bombs of the Astartes infantry. The Space Marines were more than capable of killing enemy armour on their own too, provided they get some time and a suitable distraction to set up the trap. This time, the distraction was provided by Astartes tanks driven by human warrior-serfs.
Third mistake, perhaps the biggest: in a Space Marine army, it is always the Space Marines who do the big killing.